the brooke in me

in response to the posted photo of brooke getting her award the other day - i thought i would throw up a photo of myself taken when i was 38 years old. (brooke is 31) maybe this will help you see the similarity.
ok. back to work.

my new book.........

"anybody out there?" by marian keyes. brooke (my famous, award winning, older daughter) bought me this book. she said that its a great book, but, to beware of the ending. its sad....ah damn, i hate sad endings, but maybe its not really really sad, only sad and then a triumph over sadness of some sort.
i love to read marian keyes as she is light and fluffy (generally) and irish and reads a bit bridget jones diary-ish. so nice after reading"gravediggers daughter" by joyce carol oates, for instance. and a distraction from time traveling.
we will see. i have read all of her other books....her being marian keyes. audrey niffennegger has only written the one book, so far and joyce carol oates, i don't even think anyone knows how many books she has actually written. rosie read "freaky green eyes" and that book doesn't even show up on her lists. (well, the lists that i've seen).


i was going to blog about my wonderful "family paintover" students that i taught today...there is too much to tell, and it is bedtime reading time now, so i will hold off until tomorrow. i will say this, i feel so lucky and blessed to be able to teach so many nice people. i hope they learn to love painting at least a smidgen more than before taking my class. that would give me the biggest pleasure in the world --to know that to be so.
sigh-----nighty-night all.

thank you my sweetie pie brooke, thanks for the new book. i miss you.

time traveler's wife......

i finally finished reading this book. i read at night and often i fall asleep after only a couple of pages. but i stuck with this book and now i am sad that i finished it.
this is not a book i would pick up to read....one day at barnes and noble i was hunting around the new releases and a woman started talking to me from across a huge table. at first i didn't know she was addressing me. she said,..."i saw you holding that book for a moment and i just want to tell you, that is a great book, the best book i have ever read...." and on and on she went....i was startled that she noticed what i was looking at it and felt awkward that she was talking to me at all. i had read the back cover and could not see how this book could be anyone's favorite of all times book...... eventually her husband came from nowhere and ushered her away like she was a bit crazy and needed to get back to her home.
because of that ---I bought the book. (hurray for looney people!!!)

i didn't like the book at first, i don't care for sci-fi and not interested in love stories. the dialogue in" he said- she said" form bugged me. the time jumping around bugged me. but i kept at it. after getting halfway through the book i was hooked. but i became hooked in a subconscious way. it was through my dreams. each night after reading from the book i have had such lucid and spiritual dreams. i time travelled. not like "henry", but i have been looking back on the moments of my life that were passed up before.

someone once said, "what is life but moments....? this is true. during the early years and the child bearing years and the deaths and the births, proud moments, sad moments, embarrassing moments - those time were often raced through because so much needed to get done - then was a frenzied way of living......these moments became forced deep into the back on the mind. especially the trying times.

anyone who knows my personal history knows i have had more than my fair share of shocking and sad times. memories repressed.

this book hit me where it counts. although my life doesn't parallel with what takes place in the book, i found myself being henry and finding myself back to the times when my children were born and times of their childhood, of graduations and awards ceremonies as well as the hardest times in my life, after my husband died suddenly in 1985.

what is life if not moments? having a baby, for instance, is a HUGE life changing experience for everyone and yet it was merely a moment of many moments. and death of a loved one, the final moment of many moments - its just too hard to fathom at its single moment in time.

i don't know if i would suggest this book for you to read, i just wanted to share what affect it had on the unsuspecting me.

sunday's class...

just a reminder about my "family paintover" class sunday at stamping details in poway. i think the class is very closet o being full - but if you are interested, you might try calling them. it will be fun.

that's my daughter!!!!!!!

getting her "breaking news" award from LA Press Club.
doesn't she look like me??????????? er, when i was young?

my sweet aunt lillian.....

this is a painting of my father and his mom, my grandma. i know you have seen this painting before, it reminds me of my dad's side of the family. (this painting belongs to judy crawford of el cajon,now)...
anyway, rosie and i traveled to san clemente to see my aunt lillian in her nice nursing facility today along with her daughter, my cousin anita. i love them both very much.
my aunt lillian is 93 and is not suffering from anything except old age. she has trouble swallowing her meals, so she is on a liquid diet, she is limited on conversation and mobility. but she is not limited on smiles and her tiny soft spoken uh-has and yes and i think sos.". it makes my heart feel so BIG whenever i visit her. she looks like my dad (of course) and she was best friends with my mom (her sister-in-law) and has a few of my mom mannerisms, sooooo it is kinda like visiting my parents when i see her.
aunt lillian is still very beautiful. her skin is flawless. i told her so and she beamed. she told me i look like my mother.. .... which we agreed was a nice compliment.
afterward rosie and anita and i had lunch and a visit. my cousin said something that made me feel good. she said, friends are great but cousins are better. i don't have a sister and have not been very close to my cousins, only because we live far apart. anita and i are the same, we feel we shouldn't barge in on each other's life (to a fault) and therefore have not been that close.....until about 2 years ago i got a christmas card from her and it was a watercolor - a beautiful vividly painted watercolor. i called her - did you do this?"...."oh, yes" she blushed (i could tell over the phone)..".i didn't know you painted..... - well, i paint too"...., "oh really? i didn't know that" and so began our new relationship. what a gift to have someone in the family who shares the same passion and the same madness!
and yes we both are cousins to world famous artist jim dine. (so, la tee da!).... who is too busy and famous and cool for the likes of us!

one day i will put her beautiful juicy watercolors up on this blog (maybe tomorrow if i get the photoshop working)........i can't believe how lucky i am!!!!!
and my aunt, even as old as she is, still makes me feel good whenever i visit her. we still make each other smile and laugh. anita had polished her fingernails a lovely shade of pink and i make her giggle a couple of times, by gently tickling her feet.




i know that yesterday i was fusing about my nephews who are nearly 16 taking up art as their studies in college. i should say that i loved my studies in art in college so i shouldn't feel that way.....but when it's your own young family - oh i feel so responsible----i'm a chicken about them, because what if something goes wrong-----
as for my cousin anita, well, she's all grown up. she is an artist who can't help herself.

counter

hmmm, the counter doesn't seem to work unless it is on the current page....

my uncle earl

this is my mom's brother; my uncle earl. this piece was in the last somerset studio "heros" edition. my uncle was such a nice handsome man, who died early with heart failure, he was 56 in the 1970's.

i'm so happy that i got my photoshop to cooperate - albeit, a cheaper version. i'm just sick about my expensive photoshopCS not working though.
maybe i only need an update of some kind. i get so frustrated when my computer doesn't act predictably....sometimes i think the man behind the curtain in oz is running the show. maybe if i peek behind the monitor i will see that hamsters in wheels are running it. then it would make sense. oh they only need more water, a lettuce leaf and a bit of cooler air. hmmmmm.
i saw my sister in law marian (and boyfriend, john) today and my nephews (the twins) max and zach for only about an hour before they had to fly out to london. my oh my my nephews are looking very handsome, almost 16 now. i can hardly believe it. they will be driving in november! lord have mercy.
they love art and want to go to college to get a degree in it. i have mixed feelings about that. of course i am flattered because they say they take after me. (this has to be at least somewhat true since no one else in the family is interested in art. my brother draws stick figures. marian is creative, but doesn't actually do much because she is busy. she works fulltime and is expecting a baby in october.) (exciting news)
so the boys draw everyday. they are avid artists. they always bring their sketch books to show me when they come down from LA. i feel somewhat responsible for this and feel a bit - i don't know- sad- afraid for them? like i should try to steer them away from it as it is a hard row to hoe.
AND, i am confounded by my own response as no one steered me away from my passion - well, not really. and deep down i don't believe anyone should be stifled, but i worry, what if they never get work...what if they should have studied something more technical or job oriented but don't because they want to be like me?????.... what if they turn into .....BUMS?

see? i worry about this.


when i see what they have created, i am excited for them and love their work and love having art talk exchange, but i also get a sick feeling.... almost like i feel i have turned them on to drugs. will my brother forgive me?
oh well, i can't worry anymore about it tonight.....they are happily flying through the air right now (on an airplane, not drugs)- on to london to visit relatives.

when they come back, i will take them to comicon.

breaking news!!!!!!!!

My beautiful daughter, brooke! WON!!!!!!!!!


Hi Momma -- guess what? I won!

F3. BREAKING NEWS
1st Place: Brooke Binkowski, Steven Cuevas, Julie Small, Brian Watt and Doualy Xaykaothao, Air Talk, Patt Morrison, KPCC, "Fires in the Southland"
Judges' comments: This comprehensive coverage was vividly descriptive, thorough and engaging without being alarmist.. It featured great analysis, natural sound and on-the-scene reporting and follow-up.

rosie's art...

i'm not sure what this is...i love it - love the halo around the thumb......
probably an album cover or something that only my daughter would know, but i liked it. i finally asked rosie what it was and she didn't know either. hmmmm, now thats interesting.


i had a great time at the "gallery without walls" workshop to learn to be "the CEO of my own life" as it relates to selling my own art... important. i learned that i don't "handle" my own art with enough care. hell, i know i'm a "bull in the china shop", but i really must improve. its is very important and probably one of the hardest things for me to learn.
i told the speaker that even if i were entrusted with a $50k piece i would still hold it without the due respect it takes. i need a handler, i think. anyone out there want to be my handler - er, of my art, i mean? you know just hold it for people to see. apparently i don't show enough respect and move it around too much as i speak.
so at least i know my shortcomings - many as they are.


my favorite part of the day was when my friend nathalie davis stood up and told everyone the price of her portraiture painting (starting at $100 on ebay) and everyone emphatically agreed that her work was valued at $900 framed. she was dumbfounded. funny how some people just don't get how good they are. nathalie was fun to watch. her work is so good, lovely and very competent. i bought 2 of her paintings right then. she wasn't even selling them.
oh, that felt good. after she left, everyone told me what a great deal i got.
sorry nathalie. i didn't mean to take advantage.
i am in love with my two little paintings of hers though.
at first we agreed to trade - (she has bought mine before) but then i didn't want to fool around. i wanted her pieces and had to have them NOW!!! i have already looked at them several times, enjoying them. wishing i could paint like her.
if i can get m photoshop to work i will share them with you too.

first mock up for our mag....

what do you think of the NEW san diego regional art magazine?


so exciting as we decide on logo designs...this is the small "n" idea....we are also looking at an elongated capital "n"...

i'm doing this.........this saturday!!!

if you click on the image, you will be able to read it.
just wanted to let you know that if you are interested in selling your art, this workshop is a must. the speaker sells for artists - she's a dealer- who makes big bucks - selling outside the gallery scene. she is going to lecture on how she does it - passing the "how to" on to us.
drop whatever you were planning on doing saturday and attend. that's my 2 cents worth anyway.
a good organization to join, by the way, is the rather new sd fine art society. they are a non-profit that's proactive. they have a mentor program that helps finance artists, a health program that they are working on to get health insurance out to artists, and a collector's club, that helps the small guy learn about collecting........sdfas is helping in every way to stimulate the SD artist's economy. during this depression we seem to be falling into, sdfas is a welcoming society to join.

we need each other. that's the way i see it.

2008 Southern California Journalism Awards

F3. BREAKING NEWS
* Brooke Binkowski, Steven Cuevas, Julie Small, Brian Watt, Doualy Xaykaothao, Air Talk, Patt Morrison, KPCC, "Fires in the Southland"
* Warren Olney and Karen Radziner, 89.3 KCRW FM, "Scooter Libby Verdict"
* Lance Orozco, 88.3 KCLU FM, "Santa Rosa Valley Fire"
* Lance Orozco, Jim Rondeau, John Palminteri, 88.3 KCLU FM, "Zaca Fire"

BROOKE IS MY DAUGHTER!!!!!

my adobe photoshop is not working...

i sure hope i don't have to buy a new one. they are so expensive - it was over $600. i need it to re-size the images of the paintings and photos that i scan into the computer.
oh well. i think that this heat has something to do with the computer not working right. maybe in the morning it will work.
the morning is the time to do everything in this heat; cook dinner, workout, mess around in the garden, clean the house. before i know it the morning gives way to the mid day heat and nothing can happen except lounging around moaning that it is too hot to live. that part of the day gets pretty dramatic. sure, i turn on the fans, but thats no match for this heat. i won't turn on the AC, not while i am still alone during the day, who could afford that all summer?
rosie has until friday before her school is out for summer. friday is her promotion. first the school will insist that we all sit in the heat and have heat stroke before the ceremony commences. rosie will have it the worse as she is in band and they have to sit in the heat longer than anyone else. i remember when jamie did this, he was very red-faced and hot when he got his diploma. i heard that last year some old aunt was hauled out on a stretcher from heat stroke.
Please God, don't let that be me.....
rosie already got an award and was recognized for high honors for the year - we are very proud of her.
speaking of honors; my first born, brooke, will be honored this saturday in LA for her journalism work for national news radio.
again, another reason to drink this weekend. i mean celebrate. *hic*
my son, jamie, is also doing well, he is completing a very intense scrutiny to become a guard for national security.....as he enters into grad school later this year, studying english literature and psychology.
as for me, i'm a proud momma. that's my favorite thing in life to be!!!!! very proud of my children.
brooke also was wonderful this last weekend as she finished her marathon run in lake tahoe - she finished. YAY! she wasn't happy with her time, but she will workout harder for it next year. i would show a picture, but again, my damn adobe photoshop......is not doing its job...,.grrrrr.
bedtime, so i can get up early and cook!

happy father's day

happy father's day to all you hunky dads.................and less hunky dads, kind, pale and weak looking dads too, fragile, frail, sickly, or pencil necked;
also;
smelly, grayed, unshaven, wallowers;
absent, penniless, leaves the bathroom door open while pooping, insane;
down trodden, detained, washed up, doing laundry, wearing a bright vest picking up trash;
senile, has-been, faltering, shameless, morning kitchen farter;
pantywaisted, grumpy, unshowered, gutterballs;
red-necked, militant, perfection-seekers;
gamblers;
dickweeds;
homophobes;
non achievers;
beer guzzling, bloated..............even dumb bastards........if you have had a child, today we celebrate you..............
enjoy it in the way you like to do best, we will try to still love you.
as we bite our lips and cringe,
or totally embrace.
your children love you anyway.
for that you surely must be thankful.
(my image didn't come up today, sometime must be wrong with my mac (sob)......i will try again later).

my new style.....

this is entitled "lemon grove" and is showing at the san diego art institute right now in the regional show. www.sandiego-art.org
remember last week i was fussing about my new style, a faster brush mode and without using found imagery. just an instantaneous combustion of a painting. well, this is my first piece created with the new rapid style.. i'm not totally please with it, but pleased enough to show you.
i have painted the lemon grove painting from the photo so many times now, that i can do it with my eyes shut....and same for others, i.e., "Bernice", "back step counsel"....etc. so, now i work even looser. uhm, meaning looser with a brush, not without morals. which i love to do - meaning the brush. again.
i hope you like this new style. as i say, i haven't abandoned my old style, just a change of pace.
i have first drawn this piece with "puff paint" and then painted it... so much fun. i use Golden brand fluid acrylics which make the colors jewel like.

this is an abstraction from an old image of my mom and my brother, Danny, in about 1952, standing in front of the lemon grove giant lemon - the same lemon my dad always told us he had grown in our background. i think the giant lemon grove lemon might be one of the 7 natural wonders of the world. or perhaps, the fact that we were dumb enough to believe my dad's story made us one of the 7 wonders -- er, just a wonder. yeah, that's it. you had to wonder.

my dad used to call me "wonderwoman" when i was in my 30's. i was so busy with 2 kids, a single parent and holding down a job and a home.........but he would always trail off into an insult, his brand of humor...by saying - "yep, you're a wonder.....you gotta wonder..... i'm wonderin'"

she devil.....

did someone mention a few chocolate martinis a while ago.....hmmmmm. nice idea and i think it worked!




*hic*

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hmmm, the counter doesn't seem to work unless it is on the current page....

crazy weekend

poor rosie, fell off her skateboard and fractured her elbow. worse than that, gastone and rosie both had to hang out at the ER for 6 hours saturday while i was blissfully having a show.
such nice weather too, i feel sorry for her to have a bandaged up arm in this summertime heat. and her swimming. she has a meet this weekend. so much for that. all that training she has been doing for weeks now. it's tough being a kid. things happen.
even for adults too, for instance, i have been swimming everyday at the club - indoor pool --which is so highly chlorinated it stings the eyeballs before you get out of your car! this week i was totally grossed out as i was getting out of the pool when a middle aged fat man was getting in. his massively fat belly was so buoyant that when he drifted in, his stomach floated up to the top like an old ladies skirt swimsuit. and the gross thing was, showing for all to see on the tip top of his floating mass was a huge red, inflamed and active ringworm mark. i almost threw up. but that wasn't all.....before i got out of the pool all the way, another gruesome scene, a man, thin and pale decided to empty his nostrils of gunk straight into the pool. barf. total barf. ohmygod...i'm sick. how can people be so disgusting! and in public. ugh!

so i changed pools to the cleaner and less populated la mesa municipal outdoor pool - swimming at noon in the mid-day sun. only a few old fogies floating around in the pool. too old for ringworm or nasal congestion. or if they had either, it rendered them too weak to come swim. very nice. a lane to myself. and a bit of a suntan to boot.
except.........i forgot about the young kid program just before adult swim....so
now i have a sinus infection because they don't chlorinated that pool enough!!! and all the germs from the little snotty kids an hour before adult swim floats along the top of the pool without getting filtered or cleansed for chorine and into the susceptible bodily parts of the uninoculated adults; like me! ugh-ugh! can't win. soon my own unheated pool will be swim-able, thank goddness, then i will only have to worry about bird droppings and the like.
i guess there is no real safe haven from danger when one begins to workout.
but back to poor rosie. she is sleeping nicely now. i hope her pain goes away fast.
but, i don't know, she was still in pain before her eyelids fell shut for sleep.

today's show

i want to thank everyone who came out to see me and my new stuff today at the ladybug!

my daughter, brooke and her boyfriend carlos and gracie (the cutest doggie- ever), came to see me too. i went off to have a refreshment with them -( a wonderful honey flower flavored gelato at the cafe on the corner). i was gone about an hour. when i came back, i heard that 20 people came to see me during that time! shoot, i'm sorry i missed you all.
isn't that how it always goes. i had been there since 3, even spent time painting 3 BIG paintings before i took my break too!

argh!

about my new style. i think my daughter brooke hit it on the head, she said that i am painting that way because i am in constant pain. that's right. i am looking to get things done more efficiently since everything hurts so much. i have a hard time standing. which sucks a lot. anyway, when faced with a large blank canvas to paint, i opted to paint it fast and with big gestures. the idea of researching and looking for images to paint made me groan. that has to be the reason for my chronic mild depression too. seems logical, but when you are faced with chronic pain, you get used to trying to ignore it as best as you can in order to accomplish anything during the day. there is a lot of teeth grinding and gritting as well.

my next local public appearance will be june 29 at the Poway store "stamping details" - i will teach the paintover class - its 4 hours and i think it is $45. check out their info. google stamping details poway for more info! see you there. the class is filling fast!
after that, i will see you in italy!
P.S. i have my knee surgery august 7. oh i sure hope i can walk again. more teeth gritting.

tomorrow's solo show...

well guess what i have been doing all day?
that's right!!! painting! painting big and painting out my blue mood. i feel like 2 personalities will be showing tomorrow, me and my other self. the other self is the older work - yeah, the work of only a month ago. and today's work is more energetic than ever.
yeah ok, sure one reason it looks energetic is because i'm trying to finish a few big pieces before the show tomorrow! (thank goodness i use quick drying acrylic paints), but mostly it is because dammit, i feel like it. as i was saying yesterday, i just can't help myself.
my favorite art buddy Meredith came by today so we could work together and to talk...she had a preview of the new work. she said that even though it is different she could still see that it is distinctively me. i liked hearing that.

i suppose all artists have a fear of change, especially after they have had some success. many collectors mourn the old style. i mourned myself for Claudine Helmeth's old work when she changed to do her lighter fare, "poppets". ("poppets" is an endearing english term for youngun's). but i see she loves her new style and is more comfortable for it, therefore more productive. and i guess her new work is growing on me. but still. i liked her old work.
the same thing happened to anne baldwin. she was doing intensely interesting secret writing type abstracts, when she suddenly switched to mixing photos of trees and power lines, into some strong cubical style motifs.
as for me, well, i can't help the change, but i promise to do some of yesterday's, er, last month's work still.
maybe when i get past this nagging depression everything will settle into place.

still walking alone

i feel like my mom walking alone in the desert. although i am still feeling slightly melancholy for reasons not clear to me, i found out something kinda cool. and,
I just realized i am in need of a huge celebration!!!! its a birthday party - one year old! yes! i have been blogging for one whole year now!!!! i started june 4, 2007!!!
whowouldathunkit?
not me! jeesha. time flies.
i have a few other reasons to celebrate, one i got my (new style)"lemon grove" abstraction into san diego art institute regional show. not an easy trick.
and i got my "rosie angel" into the escondido arts partnership "beyond the lens" competition receiving honorable mention! yay! again!
but about this melancholy, what is happening? i am going into a new directrion with my art. i have prepared 6 new big pieces for my show this saturday (june 7) at the ladybug gallery on adams ave. (i will be there by 3 p.m. for sure!). i am doing gestural abstracts and for the moment it feels so good. sometimes my brain just clicks into a new direction, i wasn't looking to change, i just picked up the brush and the change was automatic. i couldn't stop the change. i feel i can easily go back to the kind of work my collectors know, but for now, with this mild depression continuing as it is, i have had to change or rather go with the flow, literally.
so if you are in the area on saturday, come see what came out of me, like giving birth. it's here! and don't say..."well sir, she looks just like a new painting, alright!" takes after her dad.

from the san diego fine at society...

this is a general invitation to san diego county artists to attend the "artists workshop" -- to learn how to successfully sell your art and how to present yourself....it is not expensive, maybe $40 for the day....... and free to members.

this will be well worth the time!!! i believe this is going to be taking place at the university club, downtown.
see you there!

**************************************
Hello Artist,

I hope you can join us June 21 from 9:30 a.m to 3:30 p.m. for this fantastic workshop, presented by Margaret Danielak. The location is to be announced.

April Game
CEO/Founder
San Diego Fine Art Society
835 5th Avenue, Suite 412
San Diego, CA 92101
(619) 269-6756 office
(858) 205-4354 mobile
(619) 269-5719 fax
www.sdfas.org

art around adams ave.

there will be live guitar music too. at the ladybug. see you there.

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hmmm, the counter doesn't seem to work unless it is on the current page....

exercise...day by day

lately, everyday i have been exercising, trying to get fit, turn my body around. for a couple of years, i let it slide and now i am fat, especially around my jiggly middle.
i let it go because i was too ambitious about getting my art "out there" . so much so, i thought of hardly anything else. but now i have slowed down, got a grip on reality and balance and have started to swim everyday.
i love swimming as i was a competitive swimmer as a youth. it is the only exercise i can do right now anyway since i have just had hand surgery and i still have a torn meniscus. i'm pretty handicapped right now, actually.

tomorrow i should hear from kaiser with a surgery date for july for my knee. its only been about 9 months or maybe longer.

i don't look forward to surgery, but i have no choice, a torn meniscus doesn't mend itself. i have been taking vicodin all this time, everyday. that's not good either. oh and by the way, i'm still getting hot flashes from menopause.
oh well, so much for my physical self. i have been at odds with my body for years. and to think i was so body proud for so many years! times do change.