Tuesday, August 21, 2007
she walks alone
this is a painting i just did of my mom...this photo was taken before i completely finished the piece...i added a few swirls by machine stitch to suggest atmosphere or wind.
i know what i am going to tell you now is very odd. but when i paint someone (even strangers as i paint commissions for people often of their dearly departed) , i often have a conversation with that person, or at least i feel i have some sort of open spiritual portal thing that goes on between us. it is a very satisfying experience. i don't talk out loud, the conversation is in my mind (i think) although my husband often interrupts my process to ask whats so funny ............!
so when i painted this piece of my mom walking alone, i felt a sadness for her. she has been gone now 15 years....i think one never gets over losing their mom. she slipped away quietly one night, without warning, just before her 80th birthday. she feel asleep and didn't wake up. my oldest daughter, brooke, had said of the event: "i think her ticker just clunked out". that about summed it up.
my mom was a very energetic, happy woman from tennesee. and she was a fighter. she contracted polio at the age of 8 and walked with a brace for many years. by the time she met my dad she had learned to walk without it, but she was left with one leg slightly shorter than the other - she had a distinctive limp. i truly believe that this was no limitation to her, in fact it seemed to propel her into activity to overcome or overcompensate. it was as though she and her car were perfectly unified, as she loved to travel around in it everyday doing errands and going on antique hunts or dropping by uninvited and unexpectedly to my house. (i never liked that part). when i was in high school she opened her first business - an antique shop. she loved antiquing, in fact the day before she died, she had been to los angeles hunting down more antiques for her favorite clients.
anyway, i could go on and on about her....but this painting of her still makes me sad. i'm not sure why. i think she was misunderstood by us all. my dad, my brother and me too. she had a clear and sound conscious and spoke her mind. often. i believe she never had a bad night's sleep over anything she ever said! i, however, often tossed at night over what she said to me. (big sigh).... but i miss her and it makes me sad to see her looking sad and alone. i tried to lighten the mood in the painting by using pinks. happy colors.
so today while painting my mom, i told her i loved her and missed her very much. that she needn't feel alone and that she could come over anytime------even uninvited.