Sunday, December 7, 2008

the old man and the swimming pool......


what a crappy weekend. literally. it all started friday night...i cooked a nice dinner, roast chicken, potatoes, gravy, coleslaw, peas, oatmeal chocolate chip cookies. but it was ruined because my husband came in from walking the dog at 6 p.m. - they had encountered a skunk. peee-uuuuu, pepppppeee-la-pew.
freak out, then what to do?
i read on the internet that tomato juice was not the best solution. nor is store bought de-skunk. instead a homemade solution of hydrogen peroxide, baking powder and liquid soap works best --- and so it does work immediately. after a lot of aggravation and hysterical talk of taking the dog to the pound (only kidding dempsey-boy) we got rid of the disaster. but , alas, dinner was cold.
***********
saturday night we bought a paid per view movie, deciding what to watch i had read that a movie entitled "kenny" made 100% on the "tomatometer". (online movie rater)
the higher the percentage on the "tomatometer" the better -high percent equals fresh tomatoes as opposed rotten ones.
so "kenny" we watched hoping to entertain our 14 year old daughter. she lost interest fast and was grossed out as it is about a nice hard working blue collar worker from Melbourne, Australia, working for a company called "splashdown" a port-a-potty company. it is a mockumentary. the film follows "kenny" on his job from event to event, with a glimpse of his personal life thrown in. its well done and you learn a lot about the business of making business. quote from movie" there is a smell in here that will outlast religion."
but we didn't realize it was a movie about poo when we started it -and also the bloke from australia's accent was too thick to understand everything.
next day, today, we went to the gym, rosie and i waited to go in the lap lane at 24 hour fitness ( you might recall a post i did over the summer where i complained about the pool there - it has a high level of eye burning chlorine and i had an encounter once with a fat guy and a red ripe ringworm on his stomach. that grossed me out so badly i didn't return for months.) well today a very old man got out of his lane and offered it to us. nice ol fart.
i mean he was old, about 80 years old, slow swimming, white beard down to his private parts, wrinkly skin. he creeks out and we jump in. we swim about 8 lengths before i see it. it was not the kind of poo that is a round ball and hard - it was the kind of poo that would come out of someone who just had an enema, high colonic or old age soft food diet.. kinda like an old man poo. gross, is was floating around, swilling at the bottom of the pool, great large flecks of poo, it traveled from lane one to land 3- drifting from the far end of the pool to the middle. yep, it was definitely the result of someone too old to take the strain of exercise. the trouble with this problem was that i was afraid to point it out to the staff, as they might think i did it. but i did, not poo, but point out the poo so that they could shut down the pool. so gross, we showered for 45 minutes.
when we got home we discovered our 100 lb. doberman had left a ripe patty in the living room. my husband was just saying ....it would be very bad luck if we discovered the dog pooped in the house .......(because we are having a very stinky weekend) - gawd, he called it. our dog never does that, it was like we were victims of a nasty voodoo spell.
what a gross, unfortunate weekend. i only hope 24 hour fitness does a clean up on aisle one.

i cleaned the livingroom rug while my husband followed with fabreeze. let me tel you poo smell and fabreeze together is not very pleasant. that was about the time my daughter brooke and carlos decided to come over. we were at that point having a family affair.

later, while we were watching "Dexter", my dempsey affectionately put his head up on my knee, as to say, i'm so sorry for being a screw up, i didn't intend to..... and thanks for de-skunking my face.
dogs, you gotta love em. but i think old people should not be allowed to swim in a public pools.

2 comments:

Hilari said...

oh wow! that's um. intense. sorry about that. hope your sniffer back to normal :/

lisa bebi said...

hey hilari: i see you have been knitting!

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