Thursday, March 27, 2008
i'm so tired of sitting......i have been painting for days now. don't get me wrong, i love to paint, but it isn't a high energy activity. i get so hyper-focused for such a long period that when i come out of it, i find that i'm much older than i was when i started, that i haven't worked out and i am flabbier and that i haven't changed my fashion, style or clothing for that matter. i haven't done the dishes or taken out the trash. and for god's sake, i haven't even gone to get my nails done!!!
tragically, this is how i prefer to live my life. i am in heaven. it is a total luxury for me to be able to focus on only one thing for days on end. creating. i feel like i am cheating on life. and i know i am. i am irresponsible and i am in love with doing it. i feel like a giddy young girl finally getting the attention of a boy she has a crush on.
oh, tomorrow i will finish, probably, and tomorrow i will start on other chores, errands, creature living demands. get the plumber in. clean out the car, i will sort out my clothes, vacuum the house, do the dishes, get the car to the mechanic, etc. i will return all the annoying phone calls that have piled up. maybe. AND, i will get my nails done.
jeez, maybe i will even look into doing some tax bookkeeping..... that's a scary thought.
i know one thing, i will not sit around and read or type on the computer, because i feel i have used up my free time painting.
but thats not right, either!
there is a small voice in me that says, "lisa, painting is not cheating, painting is your profession, your mission and contribution in life." but that voice is kinda soft, i have to fight to hear it. i have to have many internal pep talks to feel good about it.
i look forward to a day when i don't feel conflicted about what i do.