Monday, December 17, 2007
happy birthday to meeeeee!
remember her? the birthday girl? she is always ready for another birthday pool party! but not for me. i like drinks beside the pool though - and i like her heels. and her cougar ear-like hair. well, and i kinda like her flotation device. and NO this is not rosie. although, rosie can look pretty close to this - this is a model named dakota rose - she is some kind of poser - you can probably find her on my space. i found her in my daughters files - naughty me. she was just too irresistible....i had to use her again for a birthday greeting. (see previous post of rosie bday greeting in november)
soooo...happy birthday to me.
nothing like living to see yet another birthday! i'm getting older and crankier. i guess i could be dead.
a lot of people die just before a birthday - both my parents did. my mom died just before her 80th - missed it by a week. and my father missed his 90th bday by only 5 days. my dad was lucid before he died and i begged him to stay alive for his bday - but he said he didn't want to. he had alzheimers and wasn't lucid that often. but he had a moment about 2 weeks before his death when he was able to tell me what he wanted. that was actually very kind of him -AND even kinder still, was his final hour when his breathing was a mere sporadic rattle -- he stayed alive until i could bring myself to tell him it was OK, i could let him go and gave him a big kiss goodbye. that done, he took his last breath.
my mom was different. my mom just slipped away in her sleep. she didn't say goodbye to anyone - i think she died to avoid welcoming the birth of her twin grandsons that came 7 days later- at least that is what she threatened to do. she hadn't been sick, she just was strongly against the birth of any grandkids. and no, she didn't commit suicide - she was hardheaded, thats all.
that was my mom, each time i told her i was pregnant she would pound her head into the table and ask god why. then she would ask me if it wasn't too late to have an abortion...!!!! she was brutal.
but she loved her grandchildren, once they blessed this earth--it was just the news, i guess, that struck her the wrong way. i think maybe she just never believed my brother or i would make good parents. it was her policy to never let us get overconfident.....i think she also feared she would have to raise the grandkids herself - god knows why she thought we would abandon our children. i tired but that never worked! (only kidding).
anyway, she especially feared twins - so her threat can true. she also warned me that she was going to check out before my dad got too old - she didn't want to look after him when he became feeble - she laughed that she was going to leave his care to me. hell, i believed she was joking.......
we will never know if she divined her own exit or not. maybe when i go i will find out. and then i will telepathically tell my brother and children.
i have always told my children to never worry about my death; that i promised to always communicate with them and look after their well-being after my death. i meant this as a way of helping my children cope with the inevitable....but for some reason this strikes my son as a horror. he always has had the greatest imagination of my three and it often gets the better of him. i meant this for him, especially, since he is the most susceptible to fret. but this news makes him fret more. i told him i would avert my eyes during his personal times- he blushed and refused to comment. jeesha. kids are so literal sometimes.
well, i didn't mean to talk so much about death on my birthday - but there you have it. what i meant to talk about was my economy haircut. but that will have to wait until tomorrow as it is past my bedtime now. i'm old, you know.
i sure enjoyed watching the final episode of "DEXTER" tonight - what a great bday gift that was. i see there will be another season of it. yay!
oh, and i love my new bracelet that i made my husband buy me. brooke brought me a beautiful bouquet of unusual flowers - she is very good at getting together a creative arrangement that i always love. thank you to my friend meredith who took me to a lovely lunch thursday at the antica and brought me 3 awesome books. rosie bought me a book on how to clean the house - haha rosie, very funny. she also filed the house with loads of birthday greetings throughout the house. jamie wished me happy bday as well as my brother and many friends. all in all it has been a wonderful day.
so, nighty-night, its been great-- from the bday bebi baby.