Friday, May 25, 2012

the future, the puzzle......

i'm taking moment to think.  so, my "moment" has lasted  a good solid year .  or so... 

at this juncture in my life i spend lots of time thinking about the past, remembering mostly pleasant personal vignettes.  

but i am in crisis.  my big crisis is that my baby girl (3rd child) graduates from high school in a couple of weeks.  not long in the scheme of things, she will be off to college rocketing into her future.  her forever future.

i have been actively a mother for 35 years - meaning for 35 years i have had at least one of my kids under my roof maturing to the age of.....well,  adulthood.

35 years.

my children have figured out their lives.  they are productive, happy and great contributors to humanity
 so what will my future bring me?

this brings me to pause:
 i must think, meditate, ruminate, take a breather....and then do that some more.
maybe i'm making too big a deal out of this - i don't even know if that's the case.  it's all so novel.  just like when i had my first baby - there were no roadmaps to help me find my way --only experience, the hardcore life's teacher. 
so again i am wondering what i will do - it's about as clear as san francisco fog.   there are no roadmaps.  no one can advise me, really, only experience - time and a rebirth so to speak.
hmmm, but for now i (thankfully) have distractions; a few graduation parties to plan. (both daughters are graduating one from ucsd and one from high school) and a few birthdays to think about.
for now i am in a holding pattern: 

 i'm holding my breath and jumping into the deep end.

1 comment:

Patty Radish said...

You never stop being a parent, even if they are no longer under your roof. I'm sure this will be a rebirth of sorts. And when things settle down, your art will take on a new life.

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