Thursday, July 28, 2011

its not easy letting go......

i have put myself on art creating probation until i have cleared out my storage unit.  i have given myself one month to do it.  this is very hard since i see everything as potential collage fodder.  today i came across a large wooden crate full of old Post magazines -each neatly placed in its own plastic wrap.  a few years ago i was collecting old magazines.  i also found a big collection of old comic books in their plastic slips too. then i found my old Life and my old Look magazines... so fun to page through.
i found an old collections of "my little ponies" that belonged to my first daughter and a huge selection of beanie babies belonging to my second daughter.  my son had saved his own writings - boxes and boxes.  from before the time he could write he would make up stories in stick figures on paper. and  these are epic.   i don't think there has ever been a day in his life when he hasn't written a story. 

i don't want to give them away -or sell them.  in fact, i want to still hoard them.   not even use them, just have them.  what is wrong with me?  
if i haven't used them by now, will i ever use them?  ugh, after awhile i finally noticed that i was just making piles.  i would go through my stuff and place them in a rated pile.  like, "have to keep", "would like to keep", "maybe i should keep" or "thinking about it".  i really was not getting far.
for several days i have taken everything out of storage, re-boxed and replaced it back into storage about 10 times.  i feel like a hampster on a wheel.  i am a slave to my hoarding habits.  dear mother of god can someone please help me?
so i used this painting of the "backward glance" to show my mood....not really leaving just looking like it.

so many times i have found something that i had totally forgotten about ----and for sometimes past an hour i would be off into memory lane.  not getting anything done at all.
i try to tell myself to not look back-to stay the course and clear out - but, if not for memories, what are we?   (i think i made that up and i am proud of it).
i have been itching to get back to painting - i found about 100 big unused canvases in my storage unit.  ok ok maybe not quite a hundred, maybe 10, er, 6 or something.  uhm,  and maybe some of them were used ...... so i will gesso over the top of them. and start again.
but, ugh, i can't  paint until i finish the storage unit clear life feels like a large circular wheel,  round and round for eternity.
hey wait, did i just hear my voice echo ?  uh-oh i think i have taken too many things out of here.  i better go look for the ones i have thrown out.  tick. tick. tick.

1 comment:

Elizabeth Seaver said...

I sympathize and admire your efforts to lighten your load. It is hard to do. Remember to make small, achievable goals to make it to your larger one. Bite size chunks of your task are easier to consider....

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