i had a dream last night that i was in labor, in the hospital having my last baby, rosie, all over again. i was freaked out (in real life) and wanted to go home...i had been in labor all day and by midnight, i thought my 41 year old body just couldn't take the last resort c-section surgery after hours of taking far too much progesterin to stimulate labor for a regular birth, the regular birth that was never to be.
so while going into the operating room, while my husband was scrubbing up somewhere, i freaked out and clamped my arms tight around the nearest nurse and pleaded with her to let me please go home - (then i got a shot in the arm of something very nice and i was in twilight for the rest of the operation).
the elderly, fat nurse that i attached myself to looked exactly like a "farside" character, with winged black framed glasses and obligatory lunch room lady hair net. she had a face like "squidward" (see tv show called "spongebob squarepants" - the best kids tv show ever!!!!) and i think she had the same voice.
....sigh....she was sympathetic, but not sympathetic enough,i had the surgery instead of going home a i wished. obviously i didn't die as i was sure i would.
anyhow, i don't know why i was reliving my child's birth so vividly last night. i could hear in my dream, the soft soothing music the doctors were playing on a CD player somewhere, the gentle talking and light laughter as the hospital staff all got on with another days work.----pulling my baby and uterus out of my body and lying on my stomach. eeewww. but i didn't care - i was stoned.
i heard the doctor tell my husband that he thought i must have had a bad experience with a previous birth because i was in a real panic and had to be sedated before they could do anything with me and before he (my husband) came into the room. could they have been talking about me? er, yes they were.
so why was i dreaming this last night? i finally figured it out - its the painful waiting and realizing that the birth of my efforts will be delivered sunday -the TV show, there were so many hands in this project, that i really worry about the outcome.
all i can say is, there will be other shows to come and improvements will be made accordingly.
i guess like having a baby, the birth is only the very beginning.
Afterwards, i will want an ice cream too.